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Over the past forty years, working with and supported leaders, I have come to appreciate the value of two opposing forces. These are the transformative power of self-reflection and the harmful impact of negative friction. By bringing these two opposing forces together we can improve our leadership.

Leadership is an ongoing journey rather than a fixed or final destination. This journey requires effective leaders to continually adjust how they interact and engage with others. One way to improve our leadership is through self-reflection. 

Self-reflection is a straightforward yet powerful practice. By regularly reviewing our recent experiences, we can identify areas for improvement. For instance, spending five to ten minutes at the end of a busy day to ask ourselves: "What did I do well today?" and "What could I have done better?" is immensely beneficial.

While self-reflection is valuable on its own, it becomes even more effective when we pick out a particular focus. One of the areas of focus we can use is that of negative friction. Negative friction includes anything that causes stress, slows us down, makes us defensive, leads to unnecessary conflicts, or otherwise disrupts our progress. This friction can arise naturally from the complexities of our tasks or be deliberately introduced by others seeking to distract or hinder us. Often, negative friction derails us because we are unprepared for it. By anticipating and preparing for potential disruptions, we can mitigate its impact.

When we do our daily self-reflection, include a review of any negative you may have experienced. 

During your end-of-day reflection, consider whether you faced any negative friction and think about how you could have handled it differently. Could you have avoided or better managed the situation?

Consider whether there were opportunities to handle the situation differently. Reflect on your actions and decisions: could you have approached the negative friction with a different mindset or strategy? Were there specific actions you could have taken to anticipate, diffuse, or avoid the negative friction?

While we cannot anticipate every situation we will face each day, we can prepare ourselves for the unexpected. 

What could you do differently to anticipated negative friction issues to be better prepared in advance? This might involve gathering more information beforehand, consulting with colleagues or mentors, or developing a contingency plan to address unexpected challenges.

For instance, think about whether adopting a more collaborative approach might have yielded better results. Could you have engaged others in a more open and empathetic manner, actively listening to their perspectives before responding? Sometimes, taking a step back to reassess the situation and approaching it with a calm and composed demeanor can significantly alter the outcome.

Ask yourself if there were ways to avoid the situation altogether. This might involve better preparation, clearer communication, or setting more realistic expectations. Did the negative friction occur because of your assumptions? For example, clearer communication can often prevent misunderstandings and conflicts. Ensure that your instructions and expectations are clear and concise. Provide opportunities for clarification. 

Develop a personal action plan based on your reflections. Identify specific steps you can take to improve your approach to minimize or avoid negative friction. 

By using self-reflection and assessing your daily experiences, you can develop strategies to reduce any disruptive impact on your daily activities.

When we use regular self-reflection to guide how we adapt and adjust, we are engaging in continuous improvement. Continuous improvement is a key attribute of highly effective leaders. By learning from each experience, you become more adept at managing friction and turning potential obstacles into growth opportunities. 

Adjustments to our leadership practice based on these self-reflection moments do not need to be momentous. The reality is they are better for is when they are small pivots. 

Leadership is about taking small, consistent steps forward. Through these small steps we can minimize negative friction and focus on meaningful progress in our leadership journey.

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Philip Espinosa

Philip Espinosa, PhD, has over 40 years of human resource experience, 25+ as a senior HR leader. He is currently president of Leadership For Leaders (leadership4leaders.com), a consulting group that focuses on the intersection of people and leadership strategies. Philip also serves as the Post University Human Resource Management Program Chair. His current focus is how to position HR as a recognized organizational competency in order to enrich the employee experience and improve delivery of desired organizational outcomes. Philip served in the U.S. Army, worked in the federal sector, and then served in healthcare and higher education roles. He lives in Michigan's Upper Pennisula, across the river from Canada.

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